Cowgirl, aka woman-on-top and the sister-wife of reverse cowgirl, can be the golden ticket to better sex. “The cowgirl positions can be a way for women to move in ways that feel best to them, focus pressure on all the right areas, and, for some women, these positions set them up to experience more pleasure,” says ob-gyn Renée Hilliard, MD, a sex and relationship coach.
When you’re on top, you can arrange yourself for optimum friction, rub your clit with a hand or toy, and go at whatever pace you please. It’s also a great position if you happen to have a partner packing some large D because you can control the depth and how much you want to take in.
If you’ve tried being on top and it’s not doing it for you, maybe it’s just not your thing—and that’s…completely normal. But sometimes, it’s that it can be daunting AF to be naked on top of someone, boobs all out and completely in charge of the sexing, which is totally common! “Some women feel that cowgirl positions make them more self-conscious about their bodies or they feel like they don’t know how they should be moving. These are feelings that can be overcome if you wish to,” says Hilliard. “Focusing on experiencing pleasure versus achieving orgasm and tuning in to how your body feels can take some of the pressure off sex. It can get you out of your head and into your body and ironically make it easier to achieve orgasms.” See also, these stellar ways to make being on top way better.
The Seesaw
Instead of being basic and just thrusting away, rock your pelvis between thrusts so you’re sliding the top wall of your vagina over the top of their penis/strap-on on the up stroke, then sliding down on the underside of their penis on the down stroke. Feels amazing to you both.
The Upside Down
Straddle your partner, and instead of moving onto them, have them lift their hips up so they’re thrusting up into you. You can reach behind and cup their balls (if they have ’em), finger their ass, or slowly drip some lube down your vulva and let them watch as you rub your clit.
I Put a Spell on You
If you don’t know what to do with your hips, spell out “coconut.” Yes, it’s Twitter Wisdom circa 2019, but it’s actually pretty bomb-ass advice. It gives you a plan (helpful!) and automatically gets you hitting a bunch of different angles and movements. If you’re not feeling “coconut,” spell out whatever the hell you want or just make some O shapes. All good, my friend. All good.
The Grinder
If penetration is not happening for whatever reason (no condom, period + nice sheets, no penis on the premises), you can still hop on top. If you’re a humper, straddle your partner’s thigh and grind away. If you’re a more hands-on type (or toys-on), straddle their hips and go to town on yourself. They can masturbate to/with the glorious sight of you…plus self-guided orgasms for all.
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Bound for Trouble
As long as you’re on top, add to the power dynamics by binding your partner’s wrists together so they can do nothing but watch you take them as you please (consent before, obviously. People tend to feel vulnerable when they’re naked and bound). Extra good if you’re a people pleaser and you find it hard to take your own pleasure because the focus is on you to prioritize your pleasure here. Ride, rub, repeat.
Bed Head
If you have the gift of a bed with a really sturdy headboard, go off-label and grab ahold of it while you’re on top. Squat instead of kneel—you’ll have the leverage you need to hang on and lean waaay back to get well-aimed penetration against the top wall of your V. It’s even better if your partner takes the reins or whatever by rubbing your clit too.
The Lusty Lunge
Can’t decide between deep penetration and a more clit-focused ride? Have both! One leg’s up, one’s down, and then simply rock your hips to toggle between both sensations. Lie flat-ish so you’re resting on your forearms for up-close intimacy and plenty of smoochery.
The Win-Win
Go ahead and raise your arms, run your hands through your hair, and push out your chest as you pump yourselves to paradise. Make cowgirl incredibly satisfying by plopping a generous dollop of lube on your partner’s fingers and guiding their hand between your legs. If they keep a finger pressed on either side of your clit, they won’t even have to move it—each thrust will suddenly feel 200 times more amazing. (You can also slide a flat toy with low rumbly vibes, like the We-Vibe Sync, between your bodies, if you want.)
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The Slow Burn
Get on top, angling yourself so your clit is rubbing against their pubic bone because this will be where all the good feels happen. Don’t thrust though. Instead, gently rock and rub against them as you please. They get to watch you have an orgasm while patiently building up their own. When you’re beyond sated, switch to something that will make them blow like a Roman candle. (See also: The Pinocchio, below.)
The Pinocchio
If you desire even deeper penetration, put a pillow under their butt and they will magically gain two inches of length (since the give of the mattress usually takes one or two inches). Rest your hands on their chest, squat over them with your knees spread, and give them the view of their life. If you want to get some cardio in, try some short, fast bounces that’ll put them over the edge. This pairs well with a strong vibe or your plain ol’ fast-and-furious rubbing.
The Hot Chair
Sit them in an armchair, get on top, swing your legs over the arms, then lean back, resting your hands on their thighs. That’s it! Your work here is done. They pump up from the bottom—the angle helps them rub against your top vaginal wall in a most enchanting way. And all while they get an ~*~amazing~*~ view of you in all your glory.
The On-Top Ruler
Show your partner who rules this household. Have them sit on the edge of the bed, then place your knees on either side of their hips to straddle their lap. Use your hands on their shoulders to propel yourself up, down, and around as they worship your lower parts with all your favorite things: their hands, mouth, penis, a buzzing toy, or all of the above.
The Butterfly
For a raw, super-animalistic vibe, trying squatting and leaning back instead of straddling your partner. Switch up the sensations by bringing your knees together, then apart, while your partner gets one hell of a view from lying down and facing you. For variations, let them move your legs or use a toy on you.
Reverse Cowdog
Instead of your partner lying down for reverse cowgirl, have them sit up slightly with their abs engaged and their hands behind their head for support. You lean over onto your hands—and yes, that is your butt in their face, thanks for asking—and hump away. They can also thrust up for a cowgirl/doggy-style hybrid, which gives you both the control of being on top and the deep penetration that is doggy.
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
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